L'Chiam!

My instructor, Rabbi Gotlieb, says that the only difference between a Jew by birth and a Jew by choice is that a Jew by choice usually knows much more about Judaism and has a deeper love for the faith and culture than a Jew by birth.  When Joe and I first started dating, I remember asking him about his observance.  He confessed that he wasn’t really a practicing Jew. He fasted on Yom Kippur, ate latkes during Chanukah, and knew just about every accomplished Jewish athlete that ever lived.  Despite the fact that he was not an observant Jew, Joe seemed very Jewish to me.   (And I’m not talking about the very Jewish last name he has!)

                While reading in preparation for my final class this past Thursday, I started to realize something about Joe’s Jewishness that I had not thought about previously.  In Rabbi Harold Kushner’s novel To Life! he writes, “Being Jewish is a state of mind; it is something that takes place inside of you…Doing Jewish is something that happens between you and other people, between you and the world.  Doing Jewish means living differently because you are a Jew.”  Judaism places the greatest value on how human beings act in this world rather than behaving for a ticket into the afterlife.  It is the present moment that is most precious.  Joe lives in a Jewish state of mind.   Joe is the one person I know who lives in the present moment daily.  He is one of the kindest human beings I have ever met.  I don’t know any man who speaks to his family as much as he does and goes out of his way to care for his parents.  I can’t believe I have met a man who comes home from work and asks me what the cutest thing my son did today was.  He is not only a person that I love, but a person I look up to as a model human being. 

                It is now my time to live in a Jewish state of mind.  On April 4^th I will meet with the Beit Din, the Rabbinical Court, at the American Jewish University for my conversion.  Liam and I will enter the Mikveh, I will recite the Hebrew blessings, and we will emerge as Jews.  I am giving Liam the name Isaac, which means “laughter” in Hebrew.  And I have chosen the Hebrew name Samara, meaning “guarded by God.”  I chose these names because they are fitting.  Liam is such a happy boy!  When he laughs, I am immediately reminded of the incredible miracle that is right in front of my eyes.  And I truly believe that I have been guarded by - dare I say - God.  I almost feel silly writing this.  As if I am not religious enough or contemplative enough to be saying that I am guarded by God.  I think I have always wanted to believe in God, but I was never sold on the idea.  Sunday school and obnoxious Catholic school teachers didn’t seem to develop a strong sense of faith within me.   But as I consider my conversion and the Jewish life that I will be starting with Joe and Liam, I know that there had to have been divine intervention to get me here. 

                I was 9 months pregnant, living in New York City, and in a relationship with a man that scared me.  I felt trapped.  I remember thinking to myself that I am an educated woman; I am confident.  How could this have happened to me and why am I so afraid to leave this man?  I can only describe it as an out of body experience.  I was not myself.  I was lost.   And I needed something greater than me, greater than this life, to bring me home and back to being me.  Whether I call it God, divine energy, or the universe’s mysticism, I know that I was guarded. 

I frequently have that “pinch me” moment in which I tell myself that this really is my life!  My life truly is this great!  And now I have the honor to consider a new state of mind for myself and for my family.  I feel confident in saying that I will never again be lost.  I will never again compromise the person I am because fear got the best of me.  Being Jewish and doing Jewish may still seem foreign to me.  And I am certain that being Jewish will challenge me to go beyond my comfort zone, but I am so ready for this!  What else is there to say other than L’Chaim!